Well, I haven't posted in over a year, and I thought it was time for me to start up again. On Wednesday June 1st, we dropped Neal off at the MTC in Provo. I took this picture right before we dropped him off. We spent a great morning together and tried to be brave as we said goodbye for 2 years. Neal was so excited, he told me that he just wanted to get on with his mission. I know that he has waited for this his whole life and he was feeling like he was stuck in limbo while we waited for this day to come. I was glad to see that he left us with a smile on his face, never looking back. I know that he will be a great missionary. I am waiting rather impatiently for my first letter/email. I miss talking with him every day and hearing all the details of his life, I guess Dallin will just have to start confiding in me more! Isn't he the most darling missionary ever!!!!!

It's the end of May and in two days Neal will be graduating from high school. I can't believe that in a few months I will have a son in college. In celebration of our oldest child graduating and my good news of being in remission, we took the kids to Hawaii. Actually, it was more of a beginning of the end trip, since Neal's graduation is the beginning of the end of our family being young. We had a great time, I wish we had taken the time to do something like this more often. I think that we will always remember this trip and how much fun we had. The kids loved snorkeling and hanging out at the beach. Dallin's favorite was Pearl Harbor - no surprise there. Dave and I just enjoyed having our family together. It was so relaxing and that is something that we often lack in our crazy sport involved lives. The weather was quite rainy, but it was just enough to cool us off, and the rain showers never lasted too long. Fun times!

Anyway, we are super excited for Neal! He will be able to get 1 year of college in before he leaves on his mission. Dallin will be starting his junior year and is super excited for football season to start again. Eilene has started cheer again (it seems like it just ended) and almost has her back handspring down. And Mitch will start his first year in middle school. WOW! My youngest in middle school, now that makes me feel old.

I will finally be taking that trip to Holland with my parents and two of my sisters this summer! We are all very excited. And while we are gone, Dave is taking the kids backpacking. I will try not to think about it too much because I can't stand not being in control! Just kidding (well actually I have a little anxiety about not being there to watch over my kids...) I guess it will be good for me. Then there is every kind of camp you can think of...football, basketball, cheer, scout, girlscamp...And before we can blink the summer will be over...I hope that by then we will have some warm weather!

Wow! Time really flies when you are focusing on healing and getting your life back to normal. I can't believe that the last time I wrote I was just finished with my radiation treatments. It has been 3 & 1/2 months since then and I am doing great! I just got word from my doctor that my last Pet Scan (2 weeks ago) was great and I am officially in remission! I can't say how relieved my family and I are. Physically, I am doing pretty good. My hair is about 1 & 1/2 inches long and is slightly wavy. I have been working really hard at getting back in shape (wanting to lose the 10 lbs I put on during chemo is a big motivator) and am running 3-4 miles a day. I feel like quitting every day and have to really talk myself into it, but I am slowly growing to love the extra energy and strength that I feel from it. I still haven't seen the long awaited weight loss though, but i am still hopeful that it will come. I can't figure it out really, other than the fact that I have been very ill for a long time (1 & 1/2 years) and during that time I lost a lot of muscle, I can only hope that I have been building up lost muscle and will soon start seeing results! I have lost about 6 lbs so far, so I'm making snail like progress.
Yes, I did just say that I gained 10 lbs from chemo. I know it seems wierd, and I asked my doctors about it at the time. I thought that at least if I was on chemo I would finally loose all my baby fat from my last child. (I know he's eleven now, but he was a BIG baby!) Well, unfortunately for me, I am one of the many people who actually gain weight from chemo, probably from all the steroids they had me on during my treatments. My doctors told me it was very normal and that about half of their patients gain weight during treatments. Just my luck!
On another note, Dave and I are taking the kids to Hawaii for spring break. It will be our last big family vacation before Neal graduates. I am so excited! I am also a little sad...it marks the beginning of my children growing up and leaving home. I knew it would happen one day, I just never really thought that day would come so quickly. But I guess there are other adventures to have, like being a grandma, and according to my sisters, being a grandma is way better than being a mom. I just hope I don't find out about that for at least another 5 years or so!!!
Aloha!!!

All done with radiation!

YEAH!!!!! I am finally all done with all of my cancer treatments! The radiation was really no big deal, I have a hard time swallowing and my esophagus has spasms because the radiation has to go through any organs that are in the way...like my esophagus, lungs etc. I can't really complain though, because I haven't really had any other side effects. So now I just go for a check up in December and then my PET Scan around April. Looking back I can say that the time has really flown, although it felt like it dragged at the time. Anyway, HURRAY!!!! Thanks to all of you for your prayers and love!

Where does the time go?

Last weekend, my two oldest boys went to homecoming. They doubled together and had a ton of fun. It was really cool to watch them as they asked their dates, were answered and eventually went on the date. They do a 'day date' nowadays, and they did it at our home. We had 4 couples over and they seemed to have fun, Dave and I tried to stay out of their way. Then that night after the dance we had over 20 kids at our home watching movies, playing ping-pong and foosball. It was really fun! I just keep thinking 'where does the time go?' Here are some pictures of them as little boys and now at homecoming. Aren't they darling!

Chemo is OVER!

Wow! I can't believe it is finally over! I can't say how excited I am to finally be done with my chemo treatments! The day started off well, but I did have a few complications. My veins started rebelling and my first IV blew the vein. We soon got a new IV started and just in time too! Because it was time for the really caustic meds and so I needed to have a good vein for those meds. I also felt the nausea hit soon after I received the vincristine, that is the med that has given me the most problems. I don't know

how I would have dealt with having to go through these treatments again...actually, I do, but I'm glad I don't have to! I was told that within the next year or two, the numbness will go away in my fingers and toes, and so will the discoloration. In about twelve weeks I'll have about and inch or so of hair and I will eventually start getting my energy back. Although that will depend on how I respond to my radiation treatments. All in all it might take a few years to recover from all that I've been through, but eventually I will! YEA!!! The best part of the day was ringing the bell at the end of my treatment. Everyone rings it on their last treatment...it made me cry. I can't say how grateful I am for how blessed I have been. I am thankful for all your prayers and all the love sent my way! I really believe that some things happen to us for a reason, and I have learned so much from this experience. I think the best thing I have learned from this that you never know what someone is going through...they can look normal or act like they are fine, but in reality you never can know what they are facing in their world...and the little acts of kindness and friendship (even though they may seem insignificant) are sometimes the most needed. Thanks to all of you who have given me the things that I needed when I needed them most!

Great News!!!!!

Where to start...well, i will start with the good news I guess. (no need to keep everyone in suspense!) I received the results from my PET Scan and the tumor has shrunk significantly! It is now only about the size of my thumb from the knuckle up! Also the metabolic activity level has dropped from 2o.7 to 3.3! They consider anywhere in the 2 range to be normal, so I am almost there! This is such great news! I cried when I heard it, I mean really sobbed! I know, wierd huh? I think that it was just such a relief, and probably all of the emotions that I have been keeping under a tight lock and key just came rushing out. I have always felt that I would come out of this okay, but acutally hearing it was wonderful! So, I get my next chemo treatment on the 17th of September and three weeks later I will have 2-3 weeks of radiation. After that, I will get a PET Scan every 6 months until 3 yrs have passed and then every year until I have been cancer free for 5-6 years. At that point they consider me home free unless I develop other symptoms.

I had my 5th chemo treatment on the 27th, the day after my (dare I say it?) 40th birthday. WOW how did I get so old? Everything went well, except that I had red streaks going up my arm. The nurse said it was just the chemo irritating my veins. I believe it, this time the treatment was a little painful and they had to keep hot packs on my arm the entire day.

On another note, Dave took me to Jackson Hole for a little weekend getaway. We had a great time and I even made the 2 + mile hike to Hidden Falls. It was a hard hike for me, in another time I would have hiked it much quicker, but it was really worth it! Candice and Brandon went with us, we all had a lot of fun. I haven't been to Jackson Hole since I was a kid, I forgot how beautiful it is!

Well, thanks to all of you for your love and support during this difficult time! I love you all! I believe that this shows what love and prayers can do!

My 4th Chemo

Wow, this summer has really flown by! I had my 4th chemo treatment on the 6th of August. I can't believe how quickly this has gone by for me. I guess it helps that I count my time by 1 1/2 weeks because of my Doctor visits and chemo treatments. Anyway, I feel really lucky that so far all has gone well with me. I really don't feel sick at all other than I get thrush really bad after every treatment. They have put me on an oral Nystatin which tastes absolutely gross, I can't believe I gave that to my babies! I have to take it 4 times a day...YUCK! But it does help a little and it is better than the alternative.
I go in on the 17 for my PET Scan and we will find out how the cancer is responding to my chemo treatments. I am praying that everything will be exactly as the Docs want it to be! If so then only 2 more treatments!!! I have been asked by a lot of you if I will have to have periodic treatments after this and the answer is no. Dr. Litton said that with the type of lymphoma that I have they expect a complete cure with treatments. This is great news!
I want to express my thanks for my family! They all went on a cancer hike that was held to raise money for support groups etc. for cancer patients and their families. I really wanted to go with them, but since I had my chemo treatment just 2 days earlier I knew I wouldn't be able to. It is amazing how my illness has opened up all of us to a greater awareness of the need to find a cure for all cancers, and the desire to become more proactive! I am really proud of all those who went on the hike and want to thank them! I love you all! Denice

Half Way There!

Well, I'm half way through my chemo treatments! I had my 3rd round yesterday July 16th. It went as good as can be expected. There was a little delay because my veins weren't cooperating. But I understand that it is normal for chemo patients to have a hard time with IVs after a few treatments. Things moved so fast for me that they couldn't put in a port, so we just have to hope that my veins don't put up to much of a protest!
It was a big day yesterday, my kids came and saw me and that was great, I think it helped Mitch and Eilene to see that it's not a scary thing and that I'm in a good environment. Neal and Dallin came down a little later and were there for a short time before heading to their grandma Long's house. Then after my treatment, Dave took me to the Cheesecake Factory and I had a white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake...it was divine! We then hurried to my parents and got ready for my sister Jae's wedding. It was a lovely ceremony and a wonderful time! I am really happy for her and Travis! I'm grateful that I felt well enough to be a part of that special time!
We left around 10:00 and Neal drove us home since Dave stayed at his parents (no use driving 2 hours just to turn around 5 hrs later). I was so exhausted, but I couldn't sleep, Neal is a good driver, but I was afraid he was tired too. I was so glad to fall into bed at 12:00 and I slept until 9:00. It was a much needed rest!
I can't believe how the weeks are flying by, I feel like summer is almost over and it never really had a chance to begin. We are moving right ahead with all of our activities, Dallin gets his cast off next wednesday and Eilene has her next surgery on the 29th of July. If we can get Eilenes surgery over and have Dallin's leg heal properly without needing surgery we will be happy happy happy!
We went to Harry Potter on opening night (the midnight showing). We all loved it! I think I might have to see it again though because there was a really loud person sitting in front of us and I could hardly hear the movie half the time. Lots of fun though and we are anxiously awaiting the next movie...why can't they come out within 6 months of eachother??? More than a year and I forget what happened in the previous show!!! I never used to be this way, I hope I'm not getting 'old timers'!

All is well!

I have had my second round of chemo and all went well. The time to administer the medications was about 5 1/2 to 6 hours which is better than the first time. I was really glad that it didn't take 8 hours this time, it can get a little boring being there that long. I was also glad that I didn't have any adverse reactions to the Rubituxin this time. Rubituxin is the medication that basically opens up the cancer cells and gets them ready to be blasted away by the other medications. It takes about 4-5 hours to administer it because of the amount given and also they have to go slow since it can cause allergic reactions like rashes (which I had the first time) and hot flushes and speeding up the heart rate. All of which need to be addressed by stopping the medication and waiting for the symptoms to clear up. The other meds I take are given in about 1-1 1/2 hours. I didn't have any sickness at all this last week which gives me hope that things will continue to go well through the rest of my treatments. I have been more tired than usual, but the doctor has already told me that this symptom will only get worse as my red blood cell count continues to drop and I become more and more anemic. There is no way to boost my red blood cells so there isn't really anything we can do about it except to make sure I take small naps when I get tired. They tell me all the time to listen to my body and sleep when I need it.

We decided to take a mini vacation over the 4th of July and we went to Mesquite. Dad was able to get his condo for the weekend and we all had a great time. Dave & Dad and the boys went golfing (36 holes total) and Mom, Eilene & I went to the pool a few times and just relaxed in the condo. Dallin did a little of both although he didn't actually golf or swim because his leg is in a cast due to his broken ankle. It was really hot and we discovered that the heat really affects me, I get overheated very quickly and feel a little sick from it. The doctor said that it is just a combination of how sick I am and the chemo meds and that it should all go away when my teatments are over. The good news is that I am starting to breath a lot easier and that means that the tumor is shrinking. It is so nice not to be struggling to breathe all the time! At one of my appointments in mid june the doctor asked me if my chest hurt and I told him only when I breathe. We all laughed about that at my nadir visit yesterday, it is so great to feel better!

I have found that I really don't mind being bald (actually I have a little peach fuzz which I expect to start falling out soon) and I usually don't wear scarfs or hats...it is just too hot, and they also scratch my head up (which to my surprise is quite tender). Most people don't even take a second glance, although I have had people come up and rub my head as they talk to me which is really weird. I find that a lot of people who know me don't really know what to say to me, I can remember feeling that way a few times in my life, so I try to make them feel at ease and often volunteer the answers to their unasked questions. It still feels like this is a strange dream that isn't really happening to me, and weirder than that is that I really don't feel upset about it. I guess the Lord is just giving me a lot of comfort and the strength to deal with this. I know that I definitely feel the power of prayer in my life, both those said for me and my own prayers. I am so glad that I have the gospel.

Buzz!

Well, last tuesday after my nadir appointment, I decided to cut my hair short because it was starting to fall out. By Fathers Day I was losing so much hair that I decided to bite the bullet and buzz my head.

I had a really emotional week because of the hair loss and decided

that I wanted to be in control. So with all of my family sitting around me I buzzed it off. I was crying (which of course made all of my sisters cry) and also laughing as we gave me a mohawk and then took it all off. Dave and Mitch decided to buzz their heads also. I really thought that losing my hair would be a piece of cake...boy was I wrong. It has been one of the hardest things for me. Call me vain or whatever, but it had me in tears for several days. Amazingly enough, as soon as the hair was buzzed I was fine, maybe it was the fact that I didn't have control over my own body or something...who knows.

On monday, I went to the grocery store with no hat or scarf and I was

suprised at how easy it was. It was very liberating to be able to walk around with the shortest buzz cut and not feel uncomfortable. I also like the fact that it took me only15 minutes from shower to make-up and I was done getting ready! Then just as I was getting used to my new hairdo, I really started to lose it. I am now almost all the way bald on the top and sides of my head and the back is quite patchy. By the time I post again I will shave it all and put up more pictures.

I had my second dose of chemo today and it all went well. I'm feeling pretty good, just a bit tired. I guess that is a feeling I have to get used to. My kids have been great at taking care of me and the house, I hardly have to do anything, and Dave has been wonderful throughout this whole ordeal. Thanks again to all my family, friends and neighbors for all their love and support!

Stage IIIA

Well, I've finally gotten the news, my cancer is at stage IIIA which basically means that I have tumors present both above and below the diaphragm and I had no symptoms prior to diagnosis. The symptoms being night sweats, fever and weight loss. Although I did have other symptoms and was seeing my doctor, those listed above are the ones that determine A or B. They were also able to give me the results of the CT scan I had last weekend and tell me that my SVC (superior vena cava) had opened up to 1 cm from 1-2 mm, and that the tumor in my chest was 'markedly deteriorated' meaning it's smaller!!! At least we know that only 2 weeks later, my treatment has made a difference!
As far as prognosis goes they haven't given me any more information. We know that with lymphoma in general the cure rate is 75%, and of the 25% not cured, through a bone marrow transplant and intensive chemo treatments, most are cured. But I am going to be one the 75% that is cured!
My blood tests from my NADIR visit came back great, with my WBC at 8.7 which is actually higher than when I was first diagnosed, and the RBC and leukocytes in the normal range as well. So we feel very optimistic to get this great news, and also reassured by the doctors that although I will continue to have fatigue which will worsen, my reaction to the chemo in general should not worsen. So I won't really have much side effect other than slight nausea (which I can control with my medications) and being tired. This is such a relief to hear because when you get cancer everyone comes out of the woodwork to tell you all the horror stories they know and you start wondering if you can deal with it. But we now have information from the doctors and feel confident that all will continue to go well! He even told me I could go camping with my family as long as it was not during the week after my chemo treatment. Yahoo! I'll keep you posted, all my love, Denice

So Far So Good

Well, it's saturday morning and a little over a week since my first chemo treatment. I haven't really had any adverse reactions to the medications yet, other than a little nausea, and that was taken care of by my anti-nausea meds. Overall, I just feel like I have a really bad cold and a lot of that is because of the tumor and the pressure it puts on my lungs and heart. It really makes you feel bad when you get tired from walking up the stairs, but I'm confident that once the tumor shrinks enough then that will all go away. It is a little wierd because we have to be very hyper sensitive to my body and the things that I would normally ignore or pass off as nothing need to be told to my doctors because of all the increased risks from the chemo. My family has been great and I want to thank all of them for their support! This would be so hard if I didn't have them. My mother and David's mother have done so much for us this past year with my previous illness and they are already commiting themselves for whatever I need, what would we do without mothers?!!!
Sadly, my sisters and mother have decided to postpone our trip to Holland until next year when I can feel better. I know that this is probably the right thing to do, but it makes me sad because at least I had something to look forward to...so I'm trying to convince my hubby to take me away somewhere for a weekend or two this summer. Of course I always look forward to watching my boys play football in the fall and I told them I might rebel and paint their numbers on my bald head, they just looked at me like I was wierd, which I fully admit to being. I also tried to convince my family to a bald themed family portrait this summer, all but Eilene thought that would be okay, she said she would get a bald wig.
Between baseball, football and cheerleading, we will still have fun things to look forward to. And hopefully we will learn more about ourselves through this process. In a way I'm glad that my kids will have the opportunity to really serve me and eachother. We felt that we had grown a lot from our trials this last year and now we will have the chance to learn and grow even more. It's amazing what can happen when a family pitches in together and works to overcome adversity!
I want to express my love to you all! Thank you for your prayers, kind thoughts, and acts of service! I feel very grateful for all of my family and friends!

Talk about crazy!!!

Wow! A lot has happened since my last blog. I was so busy with my kids end of the year activities and family things that time snuck past me...well I guess a lot of things got past my radar and in more than just May too. Last friday night I was sweeping the floor and I noticed my left arm was getting numb, and kind of purple. So I went to the emergency room and to make a long story short, I have cancer, it is lymphoma. The good news is that this cancer has a high cure rate, the bad news is that the tumor has wrapped itself around my 'superior vena cava'
(the vein that brings the blood back to my heart from my arms, head and neck) and it is closed down to 1-2 mm. So I was given final diagnosis of cancer on monday and by tuesday I had my first dose of radiation. On wednesday I went back for another dose and a few tests and yesterday, thursday, I had my first chemo treatment. Talk about crazy! Everything has happened so fast that I just haven't even had time to process it. So chemo wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, just a very long (8hours) IV infusion. The facility is nice and the people are great! I can even have visitors, my husband, parents and all my sisters visited me and helped the time to pass. Now comes the hard part, waiting to see if I get sick, only about half the patients on my flavor of chemo get nausea, and of them only 1 out of ten actually throws up. There are some other side effects that I will get like losing my hair (they said at 17 days) and fatigue. So the next few days will let me know how sick this will make me. The great thing about my regimen is that most people can go on leading a normal life in between treatments with only 3-5 days of down time. At my next treatment in 3 weeks, I will bring Mitchel so that he can see that my chemo treatments aren't scary and hopefully that will help alleviate his fears for me. I think this has been harder on my family than on me. I feel positive that all will be well and hopefully soon some of the problems I've been experiencing from the tumor will go away as it shrinks. **Wierd that all of my symptoms from the tumor have been passed off as allergies (stuffy head, scratchy voice, swollen face) and a pinched nerve (neck & back pain). I'm just glad that I have finally been diagnosed and we can get to business getting better!

So I've finally done it...I joined Facebook and I just love it! It is so great to hear about family members that I otherwise might not hear from for a long time. I also love the whole sharing pictures and video thing! Wow...it is so amazing to live in a time when we have so much right at the tips of our fingers! My kids laugh at me when I say things like this, but only because they can't remember a time before cell phones, internet etc. I guess that makes me an old timer HaHa! Anyway...I think I hear Facebook calling.......

This is a picture of my Grandmother that I downloaded off my aunts facebook album, I had never seen it before...

Summer is almost here and we will be very glad to leave the cold wet winter behind! I feel like I haven't felt the warmth of the sun for too long! I can't wait to lounge outside and soak up the sun! I know that my kids are feeling the same way...my youngest was upset with me the other day for telling him to put on warmer clothes before he went to school, well he put up such a fuss I gave in and it ended up snowing later in the morning...but I'm with him on the lets get winter over with part!

We are getting ready for a non-stop, action packed summer, with football camps, scout outings, cheerleading camps, baseball games, family reunions and of course the long awaited back packing trip in the Uintahs! And lets not forget the best part of the summer...my trip to Holland with my mother and sisters!!!!

All the fun aside though, there is something to be said for lazy summer days (do I really ever get those anymore?) and just doing nothing but enjoying your time with your family in the way you only can during the summer! Reading a book while laying in the hammock, hiking, bike riding, roasting hot dogs and marshmallows...

I usually would say that fall is the best time of year, but right now I am pretty sure that nothing compares to summer....

Where did all the time go? It seems like only yesterday we started our family and now we have 3 teenagers and one 'tween'. I feel like I need to cram in as much family time as possible before my oldest graduates from high school next year. Needless to say, the kids feel like they need to cram in as much friend time as possible...when did we stop being the most important people in their lives? So we've planned our annual hiking trip to the Uintahs, but this year all 6 of us are backpacking in. We are also planning to have one last big family vacation to Hawaii over the Christmas break next year. Savor every moment so to speak...